The ‘Triad’ of how to become a ‘Desirable Woman’

The true reflection of a desirable woman stems from how she feels about herself and not merely how she looks. By developing these 3 qualities, you too can become the desire of most people, for the long term.

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You’ve probably clicked on this article to prove it’s one of the many cliché pieces of advice on how a woman can become desirable to a man. This isn’t that. This is about a woman becoming highly desirable by spending less time creating an image that satisfies society and more time creating a personal connection with who she truly is.

desirable woman

The greatest qualities of a desirable woman are hidden in how she feels about herself despite her physical appearance. No matter who calls you desirable, you’ll never see yourself this way unless you feel it deep down. But when you acknowledge your own charm, you can’t help but draw others to yourself.

My interactions with different women coupled with methodical observations have taught me nuggets of insights that properly encapsulate what it truly means to be a naturally desirable woman. Here’s what I’ve gathered over the years.

1. Possessing a sense of independence and autonomy

Has this happened to you? You meet someone for the first time, and they treat you like a queen, with gentleness in their voice and a delicateness in their demeanor. You relish this. They ask to meet up again, the same first-class treatment is served.

But somewhere down the tenth meeting, a different wind starts to blow and you’re no longer in the spotlight, the egg-treatment is gone, you find yourself having to do things that were otherwise done for you.You wonder. I’m still the same person. What on earth happened?

On the other hand, is a desirable woman who is always highly regarded no matter how many days fall off the calendar. What does she do differently? She is mysterious and, therefore, unpredictable. Her je ne sais quoi never fizzles out because she knows the power she has in withdrawing.

Still I rise

Withdrawing makes you mysterious. Availability makes you familiar. Of course, those close to you will always find you special no matter what. That’s not what we’re talking about here. To become desirable, you must radiate a sense of independence where others feel and know that you can handle things on your own because you’re self-directed.

This isn’t to be confused with meanness. It just means you possess a skillset and attitudes to work on what truly matters to you. Obviously, don’t imprison your mind, be open to reasoning with and appreciating divergent points of view. People will find you desirable, valuable, and deserving of respect.

2. The trait from the mysterious woman.

“Curiosity is the lust of the mind.” — Thomas Hobbes

She was the last to speak, and although her speech was the most impressive, she didn’t obviously claim the spotlight that was cast on her. I wanted to know this woman. Something in her demeanour caught my eye: Curiosity.

Curiosity in itself doesn’t make you desirable. But how it transforms you as you follow its trails of breadcrumbs does. Research shows you experience higher levels of positive emotions, lower anxiety levels, more satisfaction with life, and greater psychological well-being.

At a time when social media and the web makes it difficult to maintain privacy, a desirable woman sets herself apart by keeping her opinions, values, and tastes unobvious. Even in the company of others, she’s comfortable sitting in silence, and when she speaks up, she never divulges everything about herself.

Most people think that disclosing everything about themselves draws people to them. And truly it does albeit temporarily. Because eventually this closeness turns into resentment. You want others to read into you what they wish to and form their own interpretations. This way, you create an air of mystery. People are drawn to this because there’s an incessant itch to figure you out.

Do a few disappearing acts from time to time. Go off social media for a week. Quit posting those every-5-mins status with pictures of yourself always. Let people sense your absence and show them it don’t matter.

3. Defining what’s desirable to her, first and foremost.

Until a few years ago, the term self-love was frowned upon because it signified selfishness, perhaps with signs of narcissism. A woman is a giver. A well that people take from, always. The problem is, few of them take time to replenish their reserves. They pour everything out until the well runs dry.

Most ladies live their lives without actually knowing what they need, what nourishes their soul and spirit, and what makes them come alive. And with relationships, work and children taking up a huge chunk of their lives, many assume the role of a mother bear and allow it to consume them entirely.

Boss Lady
Portrait of cheerful african american businesswoman discussing and smiling at the meeting with colleagues

The little girl in her gets shoved in a corner as her dreams desiccate in the hot sun of abandonment. Something she won’t even be conscious of until she slows down. She lives a frustrsting life that society thinks is normal, right for her, and there’s no real person to tell how she actually feels.

Thankfully, you can change this no matter what stage you’re at in your life. Put a line to everything. Be okay with putting yourself first and let your family and friends, children know that you deserve your private time.

The true reflection of a desirable woman stems from how she feels about herself. Not how she looks. By developing the above qualities, you too can become the desire of most people, for the long term.

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